Who Am I?

In recent months I have thought intensively about my identity. What makes me, me? I know that there are some things that first need clarification.

First off, I am American. Yes, I was born in the United States of America and that is my citizenship. But if you were to judge me just off that, you wouldn't know who I am.

If all you cared to judge me on was the basis of being American, you would never know that I grew up in Germany. You would never know that I have German heritage, with my Great Grandpa emigrating from Germany. You would never know that I have toured all over Europe, visiting wonderful places such as Paris, Rome, Dublin, and more. You would never know that I feel more comfortable among the clusters of historic buildings and gothic cathedrals that make up European cities than among the wide streets and sky scrapers of American cities.

But yes, I may have grown up in Germany, I may have German heritage, but I am still American.

More important, I am a human being.

As a human, I have felt moments of great joy where my heart soared, the warmth of love and feeling accepted - along with the loneliness of rejection. I have felt the great ache in my heart of immense sorrow and depression, the longing for friends and familiarity of loved ones. Just like anyone else, I want to be loved, feel needed, and be happy.

For some, that search for happiness, love, and importance leads down roads that are full of alcohol, drugs, and casual sex. For others they find their joy in pursuing sports and the camaraderie found in teams. Academic excellence is another route, as well as career advancement. Many seek romantic partners to accompany them. But I digress.

Humans are complex beings with intricate emotions and desires. You cant really find one aspect of them and judge the rest of what they are based on that single point. No, a single person is more complex than that. What I wrote above about myself, it doesn't begin to cover everything. Just a scratch on the surface.

In turn, nations and cultures follow this. No single aspect should be used as the sole point of basing judgment. If a single person is complex, imagine the complexity of the cultures we have created.

I don't write this to scare people off from studying cultures and people, but I do hope to at least counter some of the judging based on superficial ideas of others.

Too often we judge based on a single idea. I know, I have been guilty of this. Of course, I know that as humans we are not perfect, none of us are! That is why I understand that not every one is going to be everyone's friend. Nor am I saying we have to go out and make everyone our friend. What we should do is stop judging others because of their nationality, their skin color, their ethnicity, even their beliefs. None of those things can begin explain who that person is, or what they are.

Before we judge, we should get to know. Base your opinions upon experiences of that person. You may never know the full them - I am not even sure if that is possible without spending great lengths of time with them - but you can get a better idea. If you don't want to be friends, great. Don't hate them, don't spread rumors and judgments about them, above all don't be superficial to them. Be real.

Being real is tough - or maybe it is for me, which is something I hope to overcome in writing these blogs. If you are shy and reserved, you may want to hide yourself from the world. I am that way. I get scared when people get too close. I am afraid that they will only hate me if they truly get to know me. (I don't know why I feel that way - so don't try asking)

It is true that as we are not perfect and have all made mistakes that there are some things we don't care for people to know. Yet, those people who we worry about have made mistakes too. Christ taught to forgive all men, which includes yourself and others. It is because no one is perfect. We all have bad habits that we don't like and/or are trying to overcome.

I have written a lot, and I have digressed many times. I hope you can forgive me on that. =)

However, my main purpose in what I have been thinking and what I wanted to share is that we are all the same - we are all human. I am a human. So. Are. You. Let's not be superficial and judgmental. Life is too beautiful and short to waste it on that.

A Move and a Thought (A bit of a rant...)

Hey everyone!! Sorry for the long wait for this next update - I try to write at least once a month. I don't have any school right now, so hopefully that means I can write more. =)

As my title suggests, I have gone through a move. My family moved to England!!! So exciting!! It means I can try real Fish-N-Chips. Though, I'll admit - that's not what I am most excited about. I love Europe and the British Isles and am happy to return. I love the culture, the ambience, and the history
here.

My next thoughts are ones that I have been meaning to write about since the beginning of the month, but have been too lazy (or busy) to do so.

I got thinking about my life and just how blessed I am. Sure, I have my struggles - but don't we all! My struggles are insignificant compared to the struggles of others. Mine are in my head, mental - that's not really a challenge when I see people starving, facing war, or dealing with abuse.

The world is such a large place with many different issue happening all at once, it can be overwhelming. Hatred for others exists, political upheavals, and others seem to crowd out all the good in life. The struggles I mentioned before won't go away in my lifetime, but I can do something to help change that.

Personally, I believe that the change needs to start small and local. I want to change by beginning to have hope for a better world and than acting upon that hope through small acts of service to lighten someone else's day. Be it a smile, a warm hug, or a helping hand each of those little acts will influence someone for the greater good.

An avalanche of changing hearts will change the world.

Maybe I am a dreamer or too much of an idealist and the reality is more harsh than I care to admit, but what if it really is brighter and people are innately good? Couldn't we try and see if doing the small things of forgiving and extending mercy for simple acts of transgression or helping a neighbor in need will really change the world?

I know I am human and can only do so little by myself, but I do want to try. I hope that in the process I will change for a better person and get rid of the things that weigh me down. That in the end I will see everyone for who they are - people! Not for what political party they belong too, or ideology they believe in, or religion they follow, or their race, or their nationality, but as people who are just like me with different stories and backgrounds.

In the end, these are my thoughts. There is no evidence I researched to back this, but comes based upon observation and reflection. It is really up to you, the individual to try it - I will never know if you do or not and I don't need to.

I also have to admit that I recognize that even if people do this, it won't be a quick change. It takes work, patience, longsuffering, and forgiveness. Nor does it mean we have to become weak and soft, but it requires inner strength to complete it.



That there is my thoughts for the week. In a way, it is my "rant" about the world. You can take it as it is, the opinion of one guy, which I am not ashamed to share.

Everyone have a good week - month - year. I hope to get back with you all next week. =)

Food and Light versus Dark

Aloha everyone!!

I recently discovered a food reality show and have rediscovered my love of cooking - but mostly my love of food.

I love food!! Yes, I love it. Food is a journey that leads to many different aspects of life. It is what sustains our bodies by providing nourishment and proper nutrition. Yet, when we abuse food it becomes our enemy.

For me, food can be a way to find something good to enjoy. When I am down I got to my favorite local burger joint here in town, buy a delicious teriyaki burger with fresh avocado and a milkshake. Not very healthy, but tasty!

Within this last week, I have also changed my eating habits. It comes from a desire to eat better and healthier. Instead of eating only what seems appealing to me - which mostly consists of sweets, meats, and cereal - I force myself to prepare a nice salad or try out the soups. I seek to maintain a balanced diet - not very easy being a college student!

An article found on the Mayo Clinic website talks about research done on the relation between diet and depression. This is a section of their wonderful article written by Katherine Zeratsky, R.D., L.D.

"Researchers in Britain looked at depression and diet in more than 3,000 middle-aged office workers over the course of five years. They found that people who ate a junk food diet — one that was high in processed meat, chocolates, sweet desserts, fried food, refined cereals and high-fat dairy products — were more likely to report symptoms of depression"

While she does state that more research is to be done on this relationship, she encourages us to eat a healthy diet.

I became interested in this after I talked with my Dad and he helped me to see how my diet wasn't helping at all. I don't think eating a healthy diet will completely cure depression, but I do believe that it will help us in our struggle against it.

That being said, I want to add something that has really helped me throughout the week. This quote right here:

"If you choose to concentrate on the dark side, this is what you will see." —Richard G. Scott

I realize that there have been plenty of times when I have focused only on what I see as bad in my life. Be it my perception of myself, my weaknesses, my failures, and what others may think of me. This is not healthy for me, or for anyone. It has to stop.

Depression, as I mentioned in another post, is a very self-centered ailment. I know. As that is, thinking only about the bad stuff won't help. Instead, I encourage you - and myself - to think about the good. Look to see the light!

With that said, I want to share one of my lights with you guys - just one, or two.

Every time I leave my dorm I take a look around and am so amazed at the beauty of nature around me. Be it morning sky, the wind's caress, or the trees. To me, life in motion is beautiful.

I am glad that depression has given me the chance to look more deeply. I hate having to struggle with it, I hate how it makes me feel about myself, but I am glad that it has opened my heart to the fragile nature of human emotions and to the need to appreciate more what is around me.

Now - I want you guys each to find something you appreciate today. Look for the light!


Feel free to share in the comments if you want, I would love to hear how your progress is. However, do it for yourself.

Here is the link to the Mayo Clinic reference that I included.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/depression-and-diet/faq-20058241

The Fade Syndrome

Today, tomorrow, yesterday - it is all the same. I feel myself drifting further away from having a desire to care about the world, about making friends, about me. While normally it would be good to think less of me - as depression is very self-centered - this isn't in the good way. It is more of the bad way.

You with me?

Ok.

Just checking.

I share this personal thought because that is a hardship I face. I want my journey to be real, not fake and not overly glossed over. Yea, it won't be full of everything. A man has got to have his personal space too, and the internet is not the platform for sharing all my woes. But, I want you to know that I struggle too.

Just like you, I am seeking to overcome my trials. It reminds me of a friend I visited who recently went to the hospital. He had fallen off a moving vehicle and received a severe concussion, went into coma and can't remember much of that day. I visited him today and was inspired by his happy attitude and contagious optimism.

Hint: A good way to feel better is to visit someone else who is needs a visit. I promise it works. ;)

There are other people struggling. You, and I, are not alone. It is something I have to remind myself when I am feeling blue.

We are still masters of our fate.
We are still captains of our souls.
Winston Churchill

 

I can be a master of my own fate and I will. That is my hope. Let it be your hope too.

 

 

Now, as a college student I have to admit - the going gets tough! Stress can play a large factor in how we feel about ourselves. So, take time to sit back and relax! Enjoy the scenery around you and for once - enjoy the quiet and solitude. Just not the bad one...yea, the one I talked about above. That one is not good. This one, for a moment, is. So, go ahead. Relax. Take ten minutes and just let it all out. Take another ten to bring in all the good around you. Go ahead, enjoy it.

 

 

There. All done? Good. I hope you are feeling much better now. I know that I am.

Remember, you are not alone. It is easy to think that you are. Let me repeat, you are not alone. If you feel like you have the fade syndrome. Go visit someone who needs one, enjoy the experience of making someone else happy and feeling loved.

That is it for today - or this week. I am still not sure how to get use to the blogging. Keep an eye out for my next update and please, if you feel like doing so, comment on my post what you think and suggestions for what things I can include. I am still finding my voice and can use all the help I can get.

The Winston Churchill quote came from a wonderful website filled with inspiration quotes which I will leave the link below.

http://www.inspirational-quotes.info/motivational-quotes.html

Pennies in a Bottle

Hey! Welcome to my blog!! Random fact, it is around 4am and I am wide awake. Why? Well, after a long heartfelt talk with a wise friend, I realize that I have too many pennies in a bottle. For me, this is a way to let it go.

No, this is not a sad story, or a sob blog.

This blog is about hope. It is about change. Yes, change. I have hope to change. You see, I have depression. I have let it run and ruin my life and I am frankly tired of not taking charge.

For those of you who don't know, depression is real. It is not some made up excuse to fail in life - or to get sympathy. It is a real pain, one that brings severe hurt to the individual who has it. I know it. I have experienced moments of darkness in my life where I felt a void in my being and a pain in my heart. I felt utter loneliness, even when I was surrounded by the most loving and caring people in the world. My family and my friends. I love my family, they are so kind and dear to me. My brother and sisters are my closest and most dear of friends. Yet, even so I was depressed. Change was hard for me, confidence in myself was nonexistent, and I became critical of my image based upon others perception of me.

I use past tense, but this very thing was just happening to me. Minutes ago, I was in that pain.

Again, I am not seeking sympathy. Merely, I am laying out the story. Paving the path, you could say, for what I want this blog to be about.

Change! Change and hope. That is the sunshine in my title. The bottle represents how I felt the need to bottle everything up and not talk about my feelings with anyone. I didn't want to be labeled as a complainer after all. Instead, I put on a smiling face to the world and kept myself emotionally held in reserve.

Why prayer? Because that is most fundamental to my very survival.

Now, as I write and post my blogs. I will not be sharing all my experiences with depression. For those who have it, they know how it is and don't need reminders. Rather, I will be using this blog as a way to share the good in life and help bring change. To remind that there is hope, that there is sunshine even in the darkest days.

So, reader, I welcome you and challenge you to be patient and bear with me on this. It will be a journey and one that I am new to.

Let's go on and forward - evermore!