The Fade Syndrome

Today, tomorrow, yesterday - it is all the same. I feel myself drifting further away from having a desire to care about the world, about making friends, about me. While normally it would be good to think less of me - as depression is very self-centered - this isn't in the good way. It is more of the bad way.

You with me?

Ok.

Just checking.

I share this personal thought because that is a hardship I face. I want my journey to be real, not fake and not overly glossed over. Yea, it won't be full of everything. A man has got to have his personal space too, and the internet is not the platform for sharing all my woes. But, I want you to know that I struggle too.

Just like you, I am seeking to overcome my trials. It reminds me of a friend I visited who recently went to the hospital. He had fallen off a moving vehicle and received a severe concussion, went into coma and can't remember much of that day. I visited him today and was inspired by his happy attitude and contagious optimism.

Hint: A good way to feel better is to visit someone else who is needs a visit. I promise it works. ;)

There are other people struggling. You, and I, are not alone. It is something I have to remind myself when I am feeling blue.

We are still masters of our fate.
We are still captains of our souls.
Winston Churchill

 

I can be a master of my own fate and I will. That is my hope. Let it be your hope too.

 

 

Now, as a college student I have to admit - the going gets tough! Stress can play a large factor in how we feel about ourselves. So, take time to sit back and relax! Enjoy the scenery around you and for once - enjoy the quiet and solitude. Just not the bad one...yea, the one I talked about above. That one is not good. This one, for a moment, is. So, go ahead. Relax. Take ten minutes and just let it all out. Take another ten to bring in all the good around you. Go ahead, enjoy it.

 

 

There. All done? Good. I hope you are feeling much better now. I know that I am.

Remember, you are not alone. It is easy to think that you are. Let me repeat, you are not alone. If you feel like you have the fade syndrome. Go visit someone who needs one, enjoy the experience of making someone else happy and feeling loved.

That is it for today - or this week. I am still not sure how to get use to the blogging. Keep an eye out for my next update and please, if you feel like doing so, comment on my post what you think and suggestions for what things I can include. I am still finding my voice and can use all the help I can get.

The Winston Churchill quote came from a wonderful website filled with inspiration quotes which I will leave the link below.

http://www.inspirational-quotes.info/motivational-quotes.html

Pennies in a Bottle

Hey! Welcome to my blog!! Random fact, it is around 4am and I am wide awake. Why? Well, after a long heartfelt talk with a wise friend, I realize that I have too many pennies in a bottle. For me, this is a way to let it go.

No, this is not a sad story, or a sob blog.

This blog is about hope. It is about change. Yes, change. I have hope to change. You see, I have depression. I have let it run and ruin my life and I am frankly tired of not taking charge.

For those of you who don't know, depression is real. It is not some made up excuse to fail in life - or to get sympathy. It is a real pain, one that brings severe hurt to the individual who has it. I know it. I have experienced moments of darkness in my life where I felt a void in my being and a pain in my heart. I felt utter loneliness, even when I was surrounded by the most loving and caring people in the world. My family and my friends. I love my family, they are so kind and dear to me. My brother and sisters are my closest and most dear of friends. Yet, even so I was depressed. Change was hard for me, confidence in myself was nonexistent, and I became critical of my image based upon others perception of me.

I use past tense, but this very thing was just happening to me. Minutes ago, I was in that pain.

Again, I am not seeking sympathy. Merely, I am laying out the story. Paving the path, you could say, for what I want this blog to be about.

Change! Change and hope. That is the sunshine in my title. The bottle represents how I felt the need to bottle everything up and not talk about my feelings with anyone. I didn't want to be labeled as a complainer after all. Instead, I put on a smiling face to the world and kept myself emotionally held in reserve.

Why prayer? Because that is most fundamental to my very survival.

Now, as I write and post my blogs. I will not be sharing all my experiences with depression. For those who have it, they know how it is and don't need reminders. Rather, I will be using this blog as a way to share the good in life and help bring change. To remind that there is hope, that there is sunshine even in the darkest days.

So, reader, I welcome you and challenge you to be patient and bear with me on this. It will be a journey and one that I am new to.

Let's go on and forward - evermore!